


True Eternal Love

by Muaythai



Category: THE9 (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/F, Hanahaki Disease, Light Angst, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-11
Updated: 2020-12-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:13:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27937807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Muaythai/pseuds/Muaythai
Summary: Yuxin clearly remembered since when she coughed up flower petals. Hell, the memory plastered in her head like it won’t leave her mind even if she tried her best to forget it.
Relationships: Kong Xue'er/Lu Keran, Liu Yuxin/Lu Keran, Liu Yuxin/Yu Yan
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	1. How It Started

**Author's Note:**

> Hello I'm started new work even I still not finished with my other works.
> 
> I'm sorry I just wanted to share this and I didn't have the energy nor the mood to continue the others. Please bear with my shitty personality, love y'all!
> 
> As usual, please ignore the typos and grammar~
> 
> That's it, please enjoy it!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To everyone who doesn't know what Hanahaki is, then this is the definition of it! (I explained it chapter 2, but you can read this if you want to know it now)
> 
> Hanahaki Disease is an illness born from unrequited love, where the patient’s throat will fill up with flower, they will then proceed to throw, and cough up the petals, (sometimes even the flowers). One of the only ways for the disease to ‘disappear’ is if, the said person returns the feeling (it can’t be resolved with friendship, it has to be genuine feelings of love). The infection can also be removed through surgery, though the feelings disappear along with the petals. If they choose nether options, or the feeling is not returned in time, then the patient’s lungs will fill up with flowers, and will eventually suffocate.
> 
> There is no specific flower for the disease, but it’ll either be the crushes favourite type of flower, or their favourite colour. We can only hope for the patients, and pray that the crushes favourite flower isn’t a type of rose.

Yuxin clearly remembered since when she coughed up flower petals. Hell, the memory plastered in her head like it won’t leave her mind even if she tried her best to forget it.

｡･ﾟﾟ･･ﾟﾟ･｡｡･ﾟﾟ･･ﾟﾟ･｡｡･ﾟﾟ･･ﾟﾟ･｡

Yuxin was a highschooler in her first year. She joined a dance club since she loves it so much, dance is always her passion. But, she also couldn’t deny her other reason to join was because there’s someone who caught her attention.

It started on the last day of orientation when all the clubs show off their activity and capability to attract new members. Yuxin already had decided that she would join the dance club when she decided she would enter this highschool which is famous for always winning dance competitions.

When it was the time for the dance club to show off their skills, which is absolutely dancing, there were 3 girls standing in the center of the field while Yuxin and the others first year surrounded them at the side for watching. On the left, there were A girl with short black hair and tall figure with eyes that looked like a fox with long eyelashes and there was a beautiful mole under her left eye, otherwise, on the right, the smallest from all of them with the longest black hair and reassuring smile that never left her face with the mole above her red lovely lips. 

And the last one, the most breathtaking one-in yuxin eyes- had the shortest haircut and the tallest height, her eyes were so beautiful like all the beautifulness were captured in those eyes. Her nose was pointy and her lips were juicy, and the fact there’s a mole right in the center above her lips made Yuxin couldn't avert her gaze from her.

At that time, she already knew that she was in love-struck with that girl, whose name was Lu Keran after they introduced theirself along with Xu Jiaqi and An Qi.

Not long after the introduction finished, they got into their position and the committee who wore red ribbons already standby to turn on the music. And the music started, playing Suffer by Charlie Puth in the background. The crowd hyped up, the three of them started to move their body side to side, up and down, rhythmically to the beat and in a dangerous sexy way. Just one thing ran in Yuxin mind that time, _is this allowed to be shown?!._

What made Yuxin's jaw drop quietly was shortly after two of them-Jiaqi and An Qi-walked out from the center and left Keran alone, gave her a personal stage. The oversized shirt didn’t help Yuxin to focus, her eyes went to Keran eyes, nose, lips, jaw, collarbone, and everywhere that she could adore the beautiful creature in front of her and Yuxin could swore to God that she caught that there’s a mole at Keran's left collarbone. 

Keran spun beautifully and grinding sexily on the ground. Yuxin was screaming inside her head when the song went on **“I'm just a sucker”** ,Because Keran’s head was moving side to side while her eyes felt like staring, piercing, and burning into her own eyes. Finally Yuxin knew where to look, but that didn’t last long.

The song stopped, gave a sign that the performance ended, and Yuxin let out a breath that she didn't know she held since Keran started her solo performance.

After An Qi told them that they’re gonna wait at one of the classes so the first years could go there to take a form, Yuxin already knew her destination after the orientation finished. Jiaqi, Keran, and An Qi walked out from the field and Yuxin eyes still lingering at Keran back, stared at her with awe.

｡･ﾟﾟ･･ﾟﾟ･｡｡･ﾟﾟ･･ﾟﾟ･｡｡･ﾟﾟ･･ﾟﾟ･｡

When Yuxin ran to the class that dance club used, sun was on her time to set, adorn the skies and her surrounding with beautiful orange acros the path she took to the class. When she arrived, she was panting so hard, her head looked on the ground while trying to catch her breath. After she was stable enough, she lifted her head. 

And there she was, Lu Keran, alone while sitting in the teacher seat. Her side profile was well shown, her sharp jaw and pointy nose reflected beautifully with the orange light from the sun set. She closed her eyes while enjoying the warmth from the sunlight. Yuxin breath was hitched while staring at the scenes, she didn't know how to respond, she just kept staring and staring, didn’t know how long she did, but when Keran felt the gaze from the other existence at the room, she averted her gaze from the window to Yuxin.

“Ah… are you here to take the form?” 

Yuxin heart pounding in unnatural beat, she wanted to say something but her throat went dry, the person she admired just talked to her, one by one. She never knew that the class could feel this small! 

“I never see you around, so maybe you’re a first year. Are you?” 

“Ye-ye-YES!”

Yuxin answered while shuttering and screamed after gathering her courage, she was a mess right now. _Am I gay panicking right now?!,_ Yuxin thought.

“So, what is your purpose here? If you don’t want the form, I’ll go home now since the sun want to set”

“I WANT THE FORM! PLEASE GIVE IT TO ME!” 

Yuxin screamed echoing in the class and she clutched the hem of her uniform while her cheeks were burning from the heat.

“Okay okay hahaha, why are you so tense? Calm down” Keran giggled and Yuxin swore she felt she just heard an angel laugh. 

Keran picked up the form and her belongings then went near to Yuxin whose heart kept beating faster and faster. 

“Here, and welcome? I know you’ll sign up here to be honest”

Keran passed the form and passed Yuxin.

“HOW?!” Yuxin was surprised.

“Want to talk while walking together?”

Keran asked and turned her head, Yuxin nodded rapidly and ran to Keran. They started walking together side to side with the moonlight and the lamp street accompanying their journey.

“So?” Yuxin said in a low tone.

“Hm?” Keran responded.

“How do you know I’m gonna join a dance club?”

“Oh..” Keran paused before continuing.

“I already know you since I was kid, you and me took the same dance competition. But you win hahaha. You looked so cute when you were a kid with your hair tied” Keran laughed a bit while remembering that day when they're just seven years old.

“Ah, I’m sorry I didn’t remember you” 

“That’s okay”

“But still… you remember me but I’m not”

“I said it’s okay, right? And now you cut your hair to the same length with me, but you still look cute hahaha” 

Keran ruffled Yuxin hair gently and Yuxin closed her eyes with the sudden warmth she felt on her head.

“Stop it, you ruined my hair that I styled so hard this morning!”

Yuxin whined, as much as she loves Keran's warm palm on her head, but ruined her hair style was still a big no.

“Okay okay”

Keran removed her hand from Yuxin. And the sudden silence escorting them.

“Your name is Yuxin right?” Keran asked, breaking the silence.

“Yes”

“Look at here”

Yuxin turned her head to Keran when suddenly she felt something stuck over her right ear.

“What is this?” Yuxin said and tried to take a peek at the thing.

“It's a flower, Daisy! My favorite!” Keran said cheerfully.  
“Ah! My house is in this direction, yours?”

“I’m this way” Yuxin pointed at the opposite way.

“Okay then, take care and goodbye!” Keran walked while waving her hand and Yuxin could just stare at her back.

It took several minutes before Yuxin continued her walk. She couldn’t hide the blush that creeped at her cheeks. She playfully played her bangs and removed the flower from her ear and stared at it.

Their first- _but not first for Keran because she remembered Yuxin but Yuxin sadly didn’t-_ meet bring so much joy to Yuxin that night and without her notice her love for Keran went deeper.

｡･ﾟﾟ･･ﾟﾟ･｡｡･ﾟﾟ･･ﾟﾟ･｡｡･ﾟﾟ･･ﾟﾟ･｡

And their relationship went closer to the point Yuxin thought they could be like this forever and Yuxin could confess her feelings soon.

But.

Turned out it was just Yuxin who felt like that.

In the evening, after the practice finished, Yuxin searched Keran so they could go home together like always.

“Xue Jie!” Yuxin ran in the hallway and stopped when she found Keran silhouette.

_//Xue Jie = Female Senior//_

“Xu-” 

Yuxin breath hitched, she was stunned, her heart beat so fast, her eyes locked with the scenery.

In front of her, Keran sat on the school bench with Xueer, one of her best friends and also a member of the dance club, kissing.

Yuxin didn’t know how to react, her feet glued to the ground. She felt jealousy. But, who is she to Keran? Just a junior and senior close relationship. Now she knew, her love was one-sided, her love was an unrequited love.

Yuxin cried.

Yuxin wanted to scream but she swallowed all of it.

She couldn’t be noisy when the person she loved was enjoying her time with the one she loved. Giggled and laughed like the world was made for them.

Suddenly, her lungs felt sick, it felt like it was stabbed with a lot of knives. She wanted to cough. So she ran before she did.

Yuxin coughed painfully. She covered her mouth while coughing. After she finished, she felt something soft and light in her palm, so she opened her closed palm.

She was shocked.

Her eyes widened.

On her palm, there were beautiful and soft orange petals.

Orange.

Keran favorites color.


	2. How It Went : Part 1

That day, after she found orange petals came out when she was coughing. Yuxin went home alone with her loud heartbeats accompanying her.

She tried to forget those petals even though she kept it in her binder note. She wanted to throw it, of course, but the petals, the colors, and the sweet fragrance really remind her of Keran and it's contagious. She even sniffed the petals out of nowhere and she didn't know that she did it.

And Yuxin thought the petals coughing thing was just a coincidence.

But once again.

She's wrong.

The petals kept coming and kept worsening. It always comes when Yuxin finds Keran and Xueer do an interaction. A little jealousy could bring at least 6 until 10 petals.

Yuxin's breath went heavier and heavier because her love for Keran kept going deeper and deeper while her jealousy kept growing higher and higher.

She didn't know what to do.

She wanted a normal life.

She didn't want to go through this situation.

Jealousy was enough, now she even had a hard time practicing because these damn petals kept suffocating her.

After 1 month, she finally searched up the things. What the hell were these petals means.

So there she was, sitting in front of her laptop in her room while typing some keywords.

Cough Petals Lungs Hurt  
**** **Search**

When she clicked the search button, she immediately checked up the first article that popped up, and it showed a…

"Hanahaki Disease" Yuxin muttered under her breath and read the whole article.

_**Hanahaki Disease (Wikipedia)** _

_Hanahaki Disease (花吐き病 (Japanese); 하나하키병 (Korean); 花吐病 (Chinese)) is a disease where the victim of unrequited or one-sided love begins to vomit or cough up the petals and flowers of a flowering plant growing in their lungs, which will eventually grow large enough to render breathing impossible if left untreated._

"One-sided love… so that's the reason I'm coughing petals…" Yuxin said while her eyes were still fixed on the screen.

_There is no set time for how long this disease lasts but it may last from 2 weeks to 3 months, in rare cases up to 18 months, until the victim dies…_

"I WILL DIE?!" Yuxin screamed panicky. Her symptoms have already started one month and yes, it's getting harder for her to breathe properly. But die…

_unless the feelings are returned or the plants are surgically removed. There is also no set flower that blossoms in the lungs but it may be the enamoured’s favourite flower or favourite colour._

"The feelings are returned…" Yuxin whispered.

"Impossible"

"Keran-jiejie loves Xueer, and my feeling is never gonna be returned. Then, die is really my destiny?"

"And what with that favorite flower and color, everytime I coughed it just reminded me of her. Stupid disease" Yuxin swore quitely.

_Hanahaki can be cured through surgical removal of the plants' roots, but this excision also has the effect of removing the patient's capacity for romantic love. It may also erase the patient’s feelings for and memories of the enamoured. It can also be cured by the reciprocation of the victim's feelings. These feelings cannot be feelings of friendship but must be feelings of genuine love. The victim may also develop Hanahaki Disease if they believe the love to be one-sided but once the enamoured returns the feelings, they will be cured._

"So…" Yuxin read those lines a few times before knews what it meant.

"This disease can be cured without the feelings being returned, and it's by surgery? But the side effects are…"

_**It may also erase the patient’s feelings for and memories of the enamoured.** _

Yuxin was stunned. 

Did she really want to forget her feelings for Keran? 

Did she really want to forget Keran?

No.

**No.**

Even though her feelings, her love for Keran brought pain for her, physically and emotionally. But the same feeling, the same love for Keran also brought joy and happiness for her.

Whenever Keran's warm hands ruffle her hair, whenever Keran's slender fingers pinch her nose and cheeks, whenever Keran's lovely laugh intends for her, whenever those eyes sparkle while watching Yuxin dance. Yuxin loves all of that, Yuxin is happy because all of that, and she didn't have the intention to vanish or erase it.

_In some literature other symptoms can be fever, uncontrollable shaking, loss of appetite, low body temperature, and hallucinations. Even after curing, with or without surgery, there can be irreversible damage to the lungs and, although very rare, in some cases the disease cannot be cured._

Yuxin let out a heavy sigh after reading the article, she shut down her laptop and stared at the ceilings. She still hadn't felt those symptoms but soon she will.

She closed her eyes.

"Maybe die is the only option I could take"

Yes, call her stupid. But she just couldn't do it. The image of her and Keran being strangers and she didn’t remember all those happy memories haunted her more than the picture of Keran and Xueer together.

Yuxin lungs felt sick.

Again.

Just because thinking Keran and Xueer together already brought this much pain to her lungs.

So she coughed, and let the orange petals drop on her palms and kept it in her binder note.

｡･ﾟﾟ･･ﾟﾟ･｡｡･ﾟﾟ･･ﾟﾟ･｡｡･ﾟﾟ･･ﾟﾟ･｡

10 months passed, the final exam finished, and her condition got worse.

When she found Keran and Xueer liked to text every night because Xueer told her, she began to lose her appetite and followed by losing her weight.

When she found Keran and Xueer went on a date and spent their lovely time at a mall, Yuxin went on fever and spent her painfully time at her room.

And her cough now always followed by some blood, littered the petals. Yuxin always washed the blood before storing the petals in her special pouch.

Yes, now she stored all the petals since 10 months ago in the pouch and it bulged out from how much petals there.

Yuxin didn't know how but somehow she managed to overcome all the craziness and sickness she felt. Even though she felt the root of the plant already so big, so hard, so strong, and so firm in her lungs. She could feel she'll die anytime, but she just shrugged it off.

Feeling all those painful symptoms made her didn't scare. Weird. But it's what she felt.

Now, the school festival was coming, and the dance club had a plan to do a performance at the end of the festival.

At first, An Qi, the captain of the dance club didn't want Yuxin to take any part of the festival since her health condition was like that. But Yuxin being hard as rock and kept saying she's fine and wanted to perform on the stage together with the club. So, An Qi just could let out a big sigh before agreeing and said that Yuxin must get better at the time being they're practicing. Yuxin just nodded, didn't know if it really would happen.

“So… how about a special stage?!” Jiaqi recommended out of nowhere when the practice finished.

“Why?” Xiaotang asked.

“Because it’s fun!”

“But our time for the festival is not that long, just one weeks until our performance starts,” Yu Yan stated.

“Eeee…But isn't it fun to have a surprise?”

“Yes Yes! Surprise is fun!” Shuxin exclaimed while jumping and smiling like a baby.

“I know right! Shuxin, so you’re agreeing with my idea?”

“Yesssss! But I don’t want to do it, hehehe”

“EEEHHH”

“Yu Yan is right Jiaqi” An Qi finally spoke.

“We’re running out of time, our dance movement and formation is already complicated enough and we will perform TWO songs”

“Bu-but…”

“I WANT TO DO IT!” Yuxin raised her hand energetically.

“NO!” An Qi shouted.

“Your health condition isn't good, look at yourself, you’re still panting even after 5 minutes we rest”

“But I want to” 

“No”

“Yes” 

“No”

“YES!”

“NO!”

“YES! An Qi please let me do it, best captain and the most beautiful tiny beanie please let me do it!”

“WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME, TINY BEANIE?!”

“Please?” Yuxin asked in a lower voice while whining like a little puppy.

“Argghhh” 

An Qi ruffled her hair frustratedly. Everyone knew once Yuxin wanted to do a performance, she would try hard to grab the opportunity, and An Qi couldn’t stop her. So the rest of the club just stared at them like it was just a normal day in a dance club with the captain being frustrated and the member being a cute little puppy.

“Fine!” An Qi huffed.  
“Who wants to do it too? I’m out, I’m still had a plan with cooking club”

“I can’t, I need to practice for my lion cat performance” Yu Yan said.

“OHHHH YOUR NEW SINGLE!” Xueer cheered.

“Yeah”

“Oh! Jiaqi and I can't do it either! The student council can just perform once and must go back to their patrols shortly after” Shuxin said and earned a big eye from Jiaqi.

“I FORGOT I WAS A STUDENT COUNCIL, DAMN!”

“Clown,” Keran said with her poker face.

“No, she’s the whole circus,” Xiaotang said with a grin.

“YOU TWO STOP BEING CRUEL TO ME!”

“Never” “Nope” Both of them said at the same time and then high-fived.

“An Qi! Help me” Jiaqi whined.

“Cut it all of you” An Qi massaged the bridge of her nose.  
“So, how’s the rest?”

“Keyin, don't you have a rap performance with a hip-hop club?” Yu Yan reminded her.

“Oh right! I can’t!”

“Xueer, Xiaotang, Keran?” An Qi asked.

“I think I just want to watch and enjoy the performance,” Xiaotang stated.

“Me too!” Xueer said.

“Keran?”

Keran closed her eyes, probably thinking and considering the offer. And Yuxin felt her heart beat faster and faster with the time Keran took to think about it.

_Please say no, please say no, please say no_

Yuxin said in her mind while closing her eyes. Actually, she had been avoiding Keran since a month ago, so she couldn’t think of a situation where she and Keran, just two of them in one room.

“Okay!” 

Yuxin eyes wide opened, staring at Keran shockley.

“WHAT?!”

“I said _okay_ , so I’ll perform too! Let’s do duet dance, Yuxin!” Keran smiled widely with her eyes and wrinkled around it, the usual warm smile she received from Keran.

“Okay…”

“So it’s settled then! Now let’s go home and prepare for tomorrow's practice!”

An Qi announced and they started tidying up their belongings.

“Yuxin!”

Keran tapped Yuxin shoulder and made Yuxin jump because surprised.

“Yes?”

“Let’s walk together”

“But…”

Keran walked out from the room and didn’t hear what Yuxin tried to say. Yuxin rushed tidying her things and ran to catch Keran ahead.

When Yuxin finally beside Keran, Keran glanced a bit to her side and backed her vision to the road.

“It’s been a long time” Keran broke the silence.

“Yes?”

“Since we walk together, I mean” Keran playfully let her hand hang in the air.  
“How long was it again? 4 month?”

“6 month” Yuxin corrected. _Exactly since I saw you and Xueer kissed together._

“That long, huh”

“Yeah”

Silence came, the sounds of the car and the motorbike passing by filling their ears.

“So, do you mind telling me?”

“About?”

“About why are you avoiding me”

Yuxin stopped, mind blank, searching words that could help her.

Keran, who noticed Yuxin stopped from walking did the same and turned her head to direct to Yuxin.

“Why?”

Silence.

No answer.

“Why, Yuxin?”

Still no answer.

“Wh-”

“I JUST NEED A TIME FOR MYSELF!” Yuxin shouted and closed her eyes, her heart beated rapidly and she panted heavily.

“A month? Quite long” Keran said, her tone somehow felt cold in Yuxin ears and it brought so much pain.

Keran turned her head again and started walking, leaving Yuxin behind.

“YUXIN! Let’s talk about our performance!” Keran tone backed to happy and cheerful. Yuxin let out a sigh and tried her best to calm down.

“Yes!” Yuxin ran and went beside Keran.

They talked about what genres they would do while giggling and laughing when thinking about funny moments. Everything went back to normal when she and Keran still had a Junior-Senior close relationship, but Yuxin felt something was off. She didn’t know what it was and just shrugged it off.

｡･ﾟﾟ･･ﾟﾟ･｡｡･ﾟﾟ･･ﾟﾟ･｡｡･ﾟﾟ･･ﾟﾟ･｡

A week has passed, those days become like heaven and hell to Yuxin. Her relationship went so close from before, they would talk,eat, and laugh together. Apparently Keran was a great cook, she likes to feed Yuxin with her lunch. 

_“Seeing your mouth full like a chipmunk with my food is cute”_ Keran said that day and received a big blush from Yuxin.

And more over than that, she and Keran had a nickname. Keran would call her Xinxin while Yuxin would call her Keke. It was weird at first to call you senior like that, but Keran said it was alright and if Yuxin didn’t want to do it she would be mad, which was a joke but Yuxin panicky believed it.

She wouldn’t mind being locked in the dance practice room if it meant she could be with Keran longer. 

But what caught her off guard that one day, suddenly Keran was crying, she didn’t want to say it further, Keran just curled up with knees up and buried her face between her knees. The practice was cancelled that day. They spent their day sitting and enjoying the scent of wood from the room. Sometimes just giving some space to someone was already enough. And Yuxin thought asking Keran was a bad idea. So she just shut her mouth and caressed Keran’s back.

That time, Yuxin thought she wouldn’t mind if she died that time. Those days already bring so much happiness to her and she's gonna cherish it forever.

After heaven, came hell. Xue’er liked to visit their practice and would flirt with Keran even though Keran looked a bit uncomfortable. And Yuxin would excuse herself to the toilet when Xueer did that to throw the wet petals that were covered with blood.

And on the last day before the festival, Yuxin was caught up when coughing by someone who had long red hair and a cold face just to hide her expression. But that day, Yuxin saw her face, Yu Yan's face to be specific, turned pale and worried shown all over her face.

“YUXIN!”

Yu Yan rushed to Yuxin who crouched up in front of the toilet door while clutching her shirt because she didn’t manage to go there thanks to the petals that already screamed to be vomited in her throat.

“WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?!”

 _In the practice room, Xueer barged in and hugged Keke tightly in front of my salad._ Yuxin wanted to say that but she couldn’t.

Yu Yan squatted over Yuxin and held her shoulder while searching for Yuxin eyes that closed so tight.

But Yuxin still didn't answer, the petals still there and her cough echoing in the hallway. Thankfully it’s already late-moon already on top, and probably around 8 p.m.- so there’s no one there.

“Yu… Yannnn” Yuxin said shakingly after managed to throw up all the petals and held it in her palm.

Yu Yan's eyes narrowed from Yuxin eyes to all over her face and noticed there’s a stain of blood in the corner of her lips.

“WHAT THE HELL IS THAT, YUXIN?!” 

Yu Yan brought her thumb to the stained blood and wiped it. Her eyes dropped at Yuxin palms, tugged and opened it roughly. 

Her eyes widened. Too shocked.

“These… these are” 

Yuxin didn’t know what to say, should she tell Yu Yan? But she was afraid Yu Yan would see her with a disgusted face.

“Tell me”

Yu Yan sounded cold and her eyes demanded an explanation. Yuxin felt a little scared. Even though Yu Yan's face was cold, she’s the second warmest person, after Keran absolutely, in Yuxin eyes.

“Yuxin” Her voice low but sent a shiver down Yuxin spine. 

Yuxin let out a big sigh before standing up, went to the nearest sink and washed the blood from the petals before drying it with tissues and stored it again in her orange blue pouch. Yuxin could hear Yu Yan hold her breath a bit when she pulled her pouch and made the orange and blue petlas with a crazy amount could be seen.

“So?”

Yu Yan raised her eyebrow and crossed her hands in front of her chest while leaning against the toilet door, waiting for an explanation.

And here she was, explaining everything to Yu Yan, her disease, her symptonse, her choice, and how to cure it, also the side effects.

“So… I coughed because of my one-sided love, the way to cure it if she loves me back or with surgery. But I don’t want to lose our memories and choose to, ughhh… die?”

Yuxin eyes locked on the ground, too afraid to see Yu Yan reaction.

Silence.

The sounds of the water droplets could be heard.

Yuxin couldn’t bear the silence so she lifted her head.

“Yu-”

Yuxin's voice cutted by her shockness. She couldn’t describe Yu Yan's expression. Anger? Worried? Broken? Sadness? Too much emotion that she couldn’t catch.

“Forget her,” Yu Yan said coldly, finally opened her mouth.

“What?”

“Forget her, avoid her, don’t love her again”

“Wha-” Yuxin caught off by the sudden command.  
“I can’t!” 

“Why?” Yu Yan's shoulder dropped, her face showed sadness, and her voice sounded so sad.

“I just… can’t, okay?”  
“I tried all of that, but nothing worked”

“Why don’t you take the surgery?”

“I already said it. Because I don’t want to lose our memories”

“But Yuxin…”

“No Yu Yan”

Once again, silence came. But no one had the intention to break it, they just stared into each other's eyes, asking for understanding.

Until Yuxin's shocked breath broke it. Yu Yan just dropped a tear from the corner of her eye.

“Yu Yan! Why are you crying?!”

Yuxin rushed to Yu Yan but she almost lost her balance when suddenly a tight grip on her wrist pulled her closer and she felt a warm tremble lips crashed onto hers.

They were kissed.

She and Yu Yan.

Yuxin immediately pushed Yu Yan away.

“WHAT DID IT MEAN, YU YAN?!” Yuxin screamed all over the room.

“I love you, Yuxin”

Silence slapped Yuxin face after.

Yu Yan still looked to Yuxin with some tears flowing on her cheeks, which was so rare to see. She didn’t know what to do with sudden information. Yu Yan, love her? How? Why?

“Why?”

“Seriously Yuxin? Why?”

“Just answer!”

“Don’t have a reason”

“How can?”

“It just…” Yu Yan pauses, trailed. Searching words from the back of her head.  
“When I see you so determined for dance, it makes me happy. When I hear your laughter, my face immediately forms a smile. When I say something, your curious face makes my heart flutter. When I smell, okay this is a little bit creepy, somehow I can smell you in the air it makes my brain at ease.”

Yuxin taken aback. Cheeks went red as tomatoes. Yu Yan reasons were just the same with her reasons for Keran.

“Sorry…”  
“But, it’s the same for me. I mean, your feeling toward me, and my feeling toward Keke” “Ah, I mean Keran-jiejie” 

Yuxin gace decided to go to the floors. And Yu Yan stared at her sadly.

“Why, Yuxin? Do you don’t mind your parents when you…” Yu Yan paused, she didn’t want to say that d word.  
“When you made that choice? Don’t mind us, the dance club team? Don’t mind Keran-jijie? Don’t mind _me_?”

“Yu Yan… It’s hard for me too, please just drop this topic…”

“I CAN’T!” Yu Yan screamed in frustration.  
“What do I have to do when I know my lovely one will go, Yuxin? I can’t….”

Yuxin exhaled.

“Listen,” Yuxin said.  
“I’m the one who really knows my feelings and what to do. And my feelings, my heart, tell me not to take the surgery. It is scary Yu Yan, but after 9 month haunted with that, somehow I managed that scary feeling and now I can at least have a normal mind to life. I don’t need you to understand, just please…. Respect my decision, please?” 

Yuxin stared at Yu Yan and Yu Yan sighed.

“This is why everyone doesn't want to argue with you” Yu Yan sighed again and ran her fingers to her hair.  
“Once you used that shitty cutie eyes, everyone will lose, including me” 

“THANK YOU YU YAN, YOU’RE THE BEST!” 

Yuxin tackled Yu Yan with a big hug and smiled widely and the latter just snorted.

“If I’m the best then date me, you moron” Yu Yan smiled between the hugs.

“Buuu, I can’t and you know that” Yuxin pouted.

“This was a weird rejection” Yu Yan giggled.

“I know right”

“Okay, now let’s go back to the dance practice, you taking so much time here, they’ll worry.”

“How about you, Yan? How is the Lion Cat going?”

“Great as always, I can go home and practice it at my house though” Yu Yan shrugged off her shoulder.

“Okay, Goodluck! I’ll probably watch your performance”

“You better do”

They walked side to side, went back to catch Yu Yan things before went to the dance room just to find an empty room with a note.

**I need to go home first with Xueer. Goodbye, Xinxin.**  
**Be careful and take care on the way, see you tomorrow!**  
**Let's burn and shake the stage together!**

Yuxin coughed up and vomited petals with blood.

_Why did she need to mention Xueer?_

“Oi, Yuxin!”

Yu Yan panicked and immediately went near Yuxin. Fortunately, it wasn’t that bad so Yuxin got better soon and they walked home together.

“Yuxin, promise me one thing”

“Hm?”

“You don’t need to stop loving her, just avoid her and Xue’er”

“Not sure but will try”

Yu Yan exhaled and their way to the home filled with cold breeze and moonlight. Tomorrow will be a long day so they better prepare for it.


	3. How It Went : Part 2

Festival day came, chattering could be heard everywhere and the smell of the food trailing anywhere. The festival opened to the public so the school felt more cramped out than the original. Some classes that weren't used by their class were used by the club that was going to perform for their preparation.

Dance club would perform in the evening, while Yuxin and Keran at night. Followed by Yu Yan lion cat after some performance. They were wearing outfits with black and red themes (8.18 Event). And Yuxin must admit that Xueer looked so pretty, her long wavy hair and the cute lovely bangs with headband on her head. The crop top and skirt showed her beautiful body. Not to mention her attractive face.

_Not surprised why Keke fall in love with her_

The rest of them looked so badass, dangerous, and sexy. But Yuxin's eyes never left a certain person with a red and black coat. Her thin and slim figure couldn’t be seen with that big coat but the V neck that the coat made showed the cleavage of her collarbone. Yuxin gulped.

They practice a bit for the performance but not so hard because they must stay in their best condition for the performance.

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Their time had come, they went up to the stage and got ready in their position. The music played in the background, playing ‘Sphinx’ and ‘Not Me’ that originally performed by THE9 but they changed the choreography and formation.

The crowd seemed like their cover and it showed by how loud their cheer was, and mostly it’s for Jiaqi. Well, Jiaqi is the most famous member since she was also rich and the part of student council made her face show up everywhere.

The performance ended and they got off from the stage full of sweat. They went back to the classroom which now was a backstage for the time being.

“Okay! Good job everyone, thank you so much for the wonderful stage. One of my friends already recorded our performance and tomorrow we will evaluate the mistakes and some off things” An Qi said.

“That’s it. Enjoy the festivals today! I’ll excuse myself, Goodbye!” The Captain continued and left them.

“Okay, so we have an individual schedule. Goodbye everyone!” They started leaving the class leaving Keran and Yuxin there. Xue’er eyes glued at Yuxin first before finally gone.

“So, Xinxin?” Keran tried to get Yuxin attention.

“Hm?”

“We still had time before our performance, why don’t we enjoy the festival first?” She suggested.

“Don’t you want to practice?”

“Aw c’mon, we already practiced so hard yesterday and we still feel tired from our performance. Let’s rest and cool down a bit, let’s save the dance feeling for the stage”

Yuxin took time to think and finally nodded to agree. Keran smiled and said yey then held Yuxin wrist, pulling it gently. 

Yuxin blushed with the sudden warmth wrapped around her wrist.

_‘It feels like we are on a date!’_

They wandered around the scholl, ate the food they found interesting and delicious, watched some performance and went to some class to see what they did. On their way, they were holding each other's hands, fingers intertwined and sharing the warmth from each other's palm.

Their so called date ended up within 15 minutes before their performance to get prepared.

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Yuxin stunned, she couldn’t look away from the amazing scenery in front of her. She was at the back stage, waiting for her and Keran called to the stage. She was waiting for Keran with her plain white oversized long sleeve shirt with 2 unbuttoned and white slim pants. And in front of her, Keran, with a red vest and white shirt in it, and also slim red peg top pants.

Even though the moon and stars shined so bright tonight, they still looked dimmed. Keran looked so bright, so attractive. Yuxin could feel her heart pumped blood so fast and mostly accumulated in her cheeks that felt so hot. Under the moonlight, Keran’s jaw look sharper.

“Keke” Yuxin muttered under her breath.

“Hi! Do I look weird?” 

Keran scratched her neck that didn't itch. And Yuxin just shocked her head rapidly.

“No…”  
You look stunning”

That just slipped from Yuxin lips before thinking and Keran was taken aback by that.

“Thank you? You look beautiful too”

They just stared into each other's eyes, until the people backstage shouting their name and told them to get ready.

“Then, goodbye. See you on the other side!”

They walked separately, Yuxin to the right while Keran to the left.

When they’re ready, the music starts.

**When your legs don't work like they used to before**

Yuxin and Keran climbed the stairs from different directions with their bare feet. Playing _Thinking Out Loud_ by Ed Sheeran with each step they took. They’re gonna cover Thinking Out Loud dance.

**And I can't sweep you off of your feet  
Will your mouth still remember the taste of my love  
Will your eyes still smile from your cheeks**

The stages lamp followed each path they used, guarding them to meet at the center of the stage. 

**And darling I will be loving you 'til we're 70**

Keran spinned Yuxin, catched her until their faces were so close and could feel each other warmly breathe. Yuxin eyes locked with Keran and under the light at night, Keran eyes looked brighter than they usually do.

**And baby my heart could still fall as hard at 23  
And I'm thinking 'bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways  
Maybe just the touch of a hand**

They swinged back and forth, left to the right. Yuxin spinned herself and leaned her back to Keran’s chest. She could hear Keran’s heartbeat that somehow felt beat so fast.

**Oh me I fall in love with you every single day  
And I just wanna tell you I am **

Their hands play along in the air like a swan dancing on the water. Yuxin lifted her leg and Keran catched it, and then they're twirling beautifully at the center of the stage with the light accompanying them

**So honey now**

They locked their eyes before breaking it.

**Take me into your loving arms  
Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars**

Yuxin placed her hands between Keran's head before their backs met and sat on the stage while eyes staring at the stars.

**Place your head on my beating heart  
I'm thinking out loud  
Maybe we found love right where we are**

Yuxin's hand landed on Keran's chest, and once again, it beated so fast. Yuxin did some attraction at the top of Keran with her legs and her forearm supporting her.

**When my hair's all but gone and my memory fades  
And the crowds don't remember my name  
When my hands don't play the strings the same way, mm**

They were laying on the stage with the stars, the moonlight, and the light stage hit their eyes but it didn't hurt. Doing some movements here and there then walked with jumping a bit.

**I know you will still love me the same  
'Cause honey your soul can never grow old, it's evergreen  
Baby your smile's forever in my mind and memory**

Keran's slim fingers grabbed Yuxin chin and led Yuxin’s face to face her that looked so close. Shortly after Yuxin pulled off from Keran and twirling beautifully like a ballerina.

**I'm thinking 'bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways  
Maybe it's all part of a plan  
I'll just keep on making the same mistakes**

Yuxin went back to Keran and Keran caught her. Yuxin legs wrapped Keran waist while her hands were on Keran’s shoulder. Keran supported Yuxin by hands on her thigh and other at her back. Then they're twirling again under the white light.

**Hoping that you'll understand  
But baby now**

Yuxin's head was on top of Keran, their forehead met, then Yuxin dropped herself from Keran embrace.

**Take me into your loving arms  
Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars**

Yuxin's hands trailed from Keran's cheeks and met with Keran’s hands afterwards. Wrapped it at her waist and back.

Yuxin turned back and let her back meet Keran's chest, their hands still holding each other and Keran lifted Yuxin with her hands as the supporter and spinning again.

**Place your head on my beating heart  
I'm thinking out loud  
That maybe we found love right where we are, oh**

Yuxin did a little running and stopped by Keran who pulled her and hugged her from the back while moving from left to right.

The dance break came, they just let their body move with eyes still staring into each other.

**So baby now  
Take me into your loving arms  
Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars  
Oh darling, place your head on my beating heart  
I'm thinking out loud  
That maybe we found love right where we are**

**Oh baby, we found love right where we are (maybe)  
And we found love right where we are**

Once again they’re laying on the stage but didn’t have the intention to get up, face so close, breath so hot, they’re kept panting while staring at each other. 

Yuxin felt so happy that she’ll burst into tears at any moment. This is the happiest moment she felt with Keran. She didn’t regret not taking the surgery. Loving Keran is the best part of her life and she didn’t want to lose it. She decided it. She would confess to Keran today, even if she would get a rejection. She won’t regret it, even if she dies right now.

_ Or maybe she’ll. _

They didn’t know how long they were staring at but after the crowds clapped, they finally realized their position and got up, bowing to the crowd and got off from the stage with a separate direction like the start.

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Once Yuxin got off the stage, they gave her a towel and a bottle of water. She received it with a rush, she needed to find Keran, now.

So she ran with her bare foot, running and running until she could find Keran’s silhouette.

And until she found it.

“Ke-”

Yuxin breath hitched, she was stunned, her heart beat so fast, her eyes locked with the scenery.

The same thing happened again like when she coughed petals for the first time.

In front of her, Keran and Xueer sat on the same bench.

 _‘That damn bench’_ Yuxin swore.

“I feel jealous, you know?” Xueer said.

“Hm? Why?” Keran asked in a low voice.

Yuxin didn’t know what to do, she wanted to leave but her feet betrayed her. So there she was, listening to their conversation.

“You looked so close with Yuxin before. I watched all the thing you two did”

Xueer looked mad, and Keran just let out a big sigh.

“You know I don’t like it when you are together, right? She likes you, I can see it” Xueer continued.

Yuxin heart stopped from beating for a short time. So all this time, Xueer knew she liked Keran? Was she that obvious?

“Calm down, Xueer. You know, I just look at her like my cute Junior, that’s it. No more”

Yuxin eyes widened, her heart beating so fast. She should know this would come sooner or later. But she still couldn’t accept the reality.

“No more?” Xueer tried to make sure.

“No more,” Keran said tiredly.

“Yeyyy! Okay, Love you Keran-jie!”

Xueer tackled Keran with a hug before kissing her passionately that shortly after turned into a full make out.

Yuxin was still stunned there. Her eyes couldn't stop looking at the pairs. Her heart beated rapidly, her lungs felt sick, so sick, so painful.

And then, she started to cough up.

The most painful cough she ever had.

She gagged.

It was getting harder and harder to breath.

She was still coughing.

Blood splatter all over the ground.

And then.

It comes.

A full daisy flower, not just the petals. An orange daisy flower covered with blood.

But it wasn’t the end.

She was still coughing, her throat still felt there’s something wanting to come out.

Her mouth full of blood, she could taste it everywhere.

“YUXIN!”

Yuxin heard her name called, she knew that voice, it was Yu Yan. Ahhh, why did Yu Yan always find her like this. 

She wanted to tell Yu Yan that she was alright. But Yu Yan must have known what happened when she said _damn it_ after watching Keran and Xueer that not far away.

Tears flowing on Yuxin and Yu Yan’s cheeks.

“Yuxin! Yuxin! Yuxin!”

“No! Please don’t!”

Yu Yan hugged Yuxin that curled up like a cotton ball. Kept muttering even though she knew it was useless.

“You said you're gonna see me perform you bastard! Don’t die on me, please” Yu Yan eyes were read, she looked messier than Yuxin. Yuxin wanted to chuckle when she thought that.

“So..r..”

“Don’t say anything! Just breathe, please…” Yu Yan felt so powerless, so weak, she didn’t know what to do.

Yuxin shook her head like it was something impossible. And after that, she coughed a full blooming blue heliotrope, her favorite flower.

“Thank…. you, Yan”

That was the last words Yuxin said before everything went black and she could hear Yu Yan screaming her name painfully.


	4. How It Turned Out

The red lamp signaled that the operation was still on its way. In front of the door, there’s Yu Yan sitting with her red eyes. She still wanted to cry, but the tears wouldn’t come. Then, a pair of old men and an old lady came to her.

“HOW ABOUT MY DAUGHTER CONDITION, HOW’S YUXIN?” The old lady who turned out to be Yuxin’s mother asked Yu Yan.

“She’s still in there,” Yu Yan pointed at the room.  
“Still in critical condition”

Yuxin’s mother slumped on the ground, crying. Her husband calmed her even though Yu Yan knew that he also had a hard time, it all showed in his face and red eyes. Yuxin's father led his wife to sit on the bench next to Yu Yan. After receiving a call from the school about her daughter's condition, they still couldn’t believe it until they arrived at the hospital and confirmed to the nurse the name of the patient, and it was really Liu Yuxin, their Liu Yuxin, their lovely daughter.

“Would you mind telling us? The truth about her sickness”

Yuxin's father asked because things were very very off, they told them that Yuxin had respiratory failure for a long time. But why did Yuxin never show any symptoms at home? Especially when she was sick and they needed to watch her 24/7.

“This maybe sounds crazy but this is a truth, because I see it with my own eyes”

Yu Yan sighed out and started. From the day she saw Yuxin coughed, to the explanation Yuxin gave, and finally to the reason why she ended up like this. Yu Yan carried Yuxin.

"The hospital covered the sickness because it is a rare disease that hasn't happened for the last 20 years. They are afraid that if they tell the truth, someone will do a research about it, probably to Yuxin's lungs and brain. Like how can this disease attack with a random cause, and you know, science won’t believe something random. Like, are there some hormones that would make a flower bloom even without the seed, or why the flower can survive without sunlight and soil, is there an enzyme worked behind it. And for that, they won't mind Yuxin's condition. So covered the disease is for the best" Yu Yan ended her explanation

"Thank you" Yuxin's father said.

“I’m... sorry” Yu Yan muttered, she breathed shakily.  
“I can’t make her take the surgery sooner and keep this for myself”  
“I’m sorry”  
“I…”

Yu Yan started crying again. She felt useless again, she felt so weak. She clutched her fist so tight that it could leave marks. 

A warm hand wrapped her fist. Yu Yan closed eyes widely open and looked at the source of the warmth, it was Yuxin’s mother’s hand.

“Don’t feel sorry dear” She smiled weakly.  
“You already tried your best, and we don’t know how we can convey our gratitude to you”

Yuxin’s parents smiled at her warmly, and Yu Yan broke down again. They’re too kind, she didn’t deserve this. If she could persuade Yuxin, maybe this wouldn’t happen. If she told Yuxin’s parents from the first time maybe they could persuade Yuxin. If she-

“Little girl, it’s not your fault” Yuxin’s father patted Yu Yan head.  
“We know our daughter so well. And we also don’t know if we can persuade her. Once she decided something, she won’t change her decision”

Yu Yan sobbed.

“Thank you for always staying by her side” He smiled.  
“Let hope, wish, and pray she’ll overcome this together”

Yu Yan could just gave them her smile too. Yuxin’s mother hugged her and let Yu Yan cry on her shoulder.

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Yuxin passed out with blood all over the place covering her mouth and dirtying her white shirt. Her outfit also got dirty because she curled and passed out on the ground.

Yuxin was surrounded by blood. It’s like seeing her bathed in a bath full of blood.

Yu Yan kept yelling Yuxin's name.

Her brain couldn’t work properly, there were so much thoughts running on her mind

_Yuxin passed out!_

_Call an ambulance!_

_Yuxin breathless!_

_Call for help!_

_Bring her to hospital!_

_Yuxin's conditions are getting worse!_

_What do I have to do?!_

_Yuxin di-_

“Yu Yan?! What happened to Yuxin?!”

Keran went near Yuxin. Fortunately, they were far away from the festival so there’s no people nearby. But not that lucky since if someone didn’t step up, Yu Yan would lose on her thoughts.

“DON’T COME NEAR HER YOU BASTARD!”

Yu Yan shouted and growled, hugging Yuxin tightly. Yu Yan absolutely knew that this wasn’t Keran's fault, but she couldn’t bring herself to be angry at someone, and Keran looked like the most decent person to receive it now, call her a jerk but she would apologize later.

Keran didn’t know what happened but after seeing how bad condition Yuxin was, she immediately called for an ambulance.

“I already call an ambulance from the nearest hospital. You brought her to the front gate, waiting there. I will inform this to teacher and also the dance club to bring her belongings, Okay?” Keran said.

Yu Yan just glared at her, but what Keran did and told were right so she nodded and ran to the front gate while carrying Yuxin gently while Keran and Xueer stared at Yu Yan’s back.

“Xueer, can you please inform the others? I will pick up Yuxin things”

“Okay” Xueer ran with her phone on her ear, leaving Keran alone in the cold night.

Keran's eyes went back to the ground near when Yuxin was there. She saw flowers covered with blood and picked it up, washed it with Yuxin’s bottle water. After she did, she could clearly see orange daisy, her favorite. And blue heliotrope, Yuxin favorite. She knew it because Yuxin liked to give her some.

She went to the class that committee used and picked all her and Yuxin belongings. After meeting up with the other, they went to the hospital together.

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6 hours passed. At the time, a nurse informed them that the roots were already stuck too deep to Yuxin's lungs and it was hard to cut and let all of it out.

So Yuxin parents along with Yu Yan just sat there, the clock showed that it was almost 3 a.m. Yuxin's parents already told Yu Yan to go home but Yu Yan rejected it. She wouldn't go until she confirmed that Yuxin was alright with her own eyes. So they let her be but with one condition, she needed to inform her parents that the latter did immediately.

On the other hand, the dance club already went home, excluding Keran. She waited at the cafeteria, waiting for Yu Yan to inform her if Yuxin operation finished. She still held the flowers and twirled it between her fingers.

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The red lamp turned off, the doctor went out while taking off his mask and gloves.

"Doctor! How's my daughter's condition?!"

Yuxin mother rushed.

"She is alright. She'll wake up shortly after. The surgery was a success. But sadly her lungs capacity won't be back like before, there were too many damaged places, we can't help it. Sorry"

Yuxin's mother shook her head. "No, No. I'm really really thankful for the hard work, my daughter is still alive and is thanks to all of you. Really, thank you so much"

Yuxin's mother bowed to the staff and was followed by her husband and Yu Yan. They're crying with happy tears. Their daughter is still alive! Their lovely one is still alive!

"We will move her once her condition better and stable enough, then you can see her there"

"Thank you so much!"

The doctor nodded before finally disappeared. Yu Yan reached her phone and messaged the whole group of Yuxin successful surgery and would inform them if Yuxin already could be visited.

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After one and half hours passed, Yuxin transferred to the inpatient room. Her heartbeat was steady, her chest moved up and down, telling she’s really still alive. And those facts still bring so much joy.

Yuxin blinked, her fingers moved. She adjusted the sudden hit of light to her eyes.

_‘So bright’_

_‘What happened? Why am I here?’_

After a few blinks, she finally fully opened her eyes. Moving her head to the right side, and could see her parents were asleep on the sofa together, her mom used her dad shoulder as a pillow and her dad used her mom’s head as a pillow.

She moved her head to the left, and didn't want to wake up her parents. She found Yu Yan at the other side. She brought her hand to the top of Yu Yan’s head and patted it.

But it turned out it was a bad idea, Yu Yan felt the movement from the bed and on her head. She opened her eyes and welcomed by the shiniest smile she had ever seen.

“Good morning, Yan,” Yuxin said, still patting and caressing Yu Yan’s head.  
“Why am I here?”

Yu Yan mouth hanging in the air, moving like a fish.

“Yu..Yuxin?”

“Yes?”

“YUXIN YOU’RE AWAKE! YOU’RE ALIVE” Tears were ready stroming down from her eyes. She hugged Yuxin so tight but still gently.  
“I need to tell the Doctor and Keran-jiejie now! Don’t move!”

Yu Yan woke up Yuxin’s parents and immediately went out when they’re awake. Yuxin’s parents burst down into tears while hugging their daughter side to side. But her mind was wandering somewhere.

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Yu Yan ran to the nurse desk and informed Yuxin already awake, after that, she rushed to the cafeteria and told Keran. Both of them ran to the room -even though several nurses already yelled to them that running was prohibited, they still did it- while Yu Yan carrying Yuxin’s backpack and Keran carrying Yuxin’s tote bag and the flower.

They arrived at Yuxin’s room and were welcomed by Yuxin laughing while sitting with her parents at the chair beside the bed.

“Yuxin!” Keran let a relieved sigh.  
“How are you? What do you feel?”

“I’m fine and better now” She smiled.

“Thanks God” Keran let her heart calm down after confirming with her own eyes that Yuxin was fine.  
“But Yuxin, wha-”

Keran wanted to ask Yuxin what happened to her, why she was covered with blood along with the flowers. But, the question slipped from Yuxin’s beautiful lips slapped her face painfully more than anything. It felt like the time stopped moving and the earth stopped spinning. The tote bag and flowers she was holding dropped on the ground.

“Ahh sorry. But, _**who are you?**_ ”


	5. How It Ended Up

Keran sat on the hospital park bench, her head lowered and her gaze locked on the ground. She still felt so shocked and didn’t know what happened.

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_“Ahh sorry. But, who are you?”_

_“Yuxin…?”_

_“Yes, it’s me” She nodded.  
“And you? What’s your name?”_

_Keran felt her chest being punched, her face turned pale. Her body was trembling._

_“Yuxin, what’s the last thing you remembered before you here?” Her father asked._

_“Performing Sphinx and Not Me with my dance club! But there’s a blurry face in my memories. Who is her?” Yuxin tried to remember but her head felt pain and she clutched her hair._

_“Yu Yan, can you explain to her what happened outside? It’s her, isn’t?” Yuxin's mother smiled._

_“Yes, it’s her”  
“Let’s go, Xue-jie” Yu Yan wrapped her hands around Keran to help her steady._

_“Ah… so she’s my Xue-Jie”_

_Keran could hear Yuxin say that, but it felt so wrong._

_They went outside and Yu Yan excused herself for buying warm drinks._

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“Here”

Yu Yan passed the canned coffee to Keran, but she didn’t drink it immediately, she just used the coffee to warm her palm from the cold night air, or maybe from the coldness her heart felt from Yuxin’s.

“I don’t know how to explain this,” Yu Yan sighed out.  
“Specifically, I don’t want to”

Keran eyes widened.

“Why?!”

“Because, the reason behind all of this, it’s because of you” Yu Yan said calmly as she looked at the stars.

“How can that be me? I’m even don’t know what happen”

Yu Yan averted her gaze to Keran, she studied her Senior a bit before letting out a big sigh.

“Look, I’m so sorry for my act before. My mind was a mess that time and I just need to blame someone for my stupidity, so I’m so sorry”

“It’s… okay. You must been so panicked”

“I was” Yu Yan stared at the emptiness when she said that.  
“But thanks to you she can be saved. I’m so panicked that I didn’t know what to do. If you weren’t there, I don’t want to imagine what will happen”

“...yeah...”

Yu Yan sighed again before continuing.

“As my gratitude, I’ll tell you something”

Keran changed her gaze to Yu Yan this time.

“But you must figured out by yourself”

“Okay, thank you”

“Great”  
“Now, what I can say is, Yuxin suffered from a disease called Hanahaki, it’s a rare disease and can lead to death if not handled quickly.”

“Hanahaki…”

“Do you know what it is?”

Keran shook her head.

“Okay”

“And so, those flowers. Yuxin produced it, because of you. So, I want you to take those flowers with you and also this”

Yu Yan handed Keran a pouch. Yuxin’s pouch.

“All of these petals, is for you now”

“Why me?”

“You’ll know when you search for it” She explained.

Keran hummed.

“And Xue-jie”

“Yes?”

“You better go home now, you look miserable”

Keran was shocked, but she chuckled immediately.

“Thank you, you’re so caring”

Yu Yan blushed from it.

“What?! I just shouted and insulted you! Moreover it’s just because I don’t want you to be near Yuxin!”

“But you look up to my condition, that’s so kind of you” She smiled.

“Whatever” Yu Yan snorted but her cheeks still reddened.  
“Go home already and take a bath then sleep like a freaking princess”

“Okay okay, you don’t need to be that caring, Yan-nie”

“What the hell?!”

“Goodbye, see you later!”

Keran went out of the hospital toward her house. It was such an exhausting day.

｡･ﾟﾟ･･ﾟﾟ･｡｡･ﾟﾟ･･ﾟﾟ･｡｡･ﾟﾟ･･ﾟﾟ･｡

Keran slumped herself after finished bathing. Her face faced the pillow. She reached for her phone and searched for the disease that Yu Yan told her.

“Hanahaki” She said while typing and clicked the same page from what Yuxin read.

_**Hanahaki Disease (Wikipedia)** _

_Hanahaki Disease (花吐き病 (Japanese); 하나하키병 (Korean); 花吐病 (Chinese)) is a disease where the victim of unrequited or one-sided love begins to vomit or cough up the petals and flowers of a flowering plant growing in their lungs, which will eventually grow large enough to render breathing impossible if left untreated._

"Unrequited love… so Yuxin loves someone that made her coughed petals…”

_There is no set time for how long this disease lasts but it may last from 2 weeks to 3 months, in rare cases up to 18 months, until the victim dies…_

Keran eyes widened after reading it. So that was a miracle that Yuxin was still alive.

_unless the feelings are returned or the plants are surgically removed. There is also no set flower that blossoms in the lungs but it may be the enamoured’s favourite flower or favourite colour._

"Favorite flower? Favorite colour?”

Keran thought of that sentence so long.

Daisy… Daisy it’s her favorite. And orange it’s also her favorite.

So that’s mean…

Keran breath hitched. Her mind played the memory of what Yu Yan said before.

_“And so, those flowers. Yuxin produced it, **because of you** ”_

She connected it.

She freaking connected it.

Yuxin produced an orange daisy. It's because of her. It was because… Yuxin loves her.

_Hanahaki can be cured through surgical removal of the plants' roots, but this excision also has the effect of removing the patient's capacity for romantic love. It may also erase the patient’s feelings for and memories of the enamoured. It can also be cured by the reciprocation of the victim's feelings. These feelings cannot be feelings of friendship but must be feelings of genuine love. The victim may also develop Hanahaki Disease if they believe the love to be one-sided but once the enamoured returns the feelings, they will be cured._

Keran reread the sentences that caught her attention.

_**It may also erase the patient’s feelings for and memories of the enamoured.** _

Now all of it made sense. Yuxin loved her, Yes loved, with a past tense because Yuxin freaking forgot her. And before, she didn’t want to take the surgery for what reason she didn’t know and it made her condition worse. That’s why it was so hard for her to breathe properly.

 _‘Shit’_ Keran thought.

She turned off her phone. Faced the ceilings, thoughts running on her mind non-stop.

Yuxin loved her.

How could she didn’t realize it? 

The way Yuxin blushed to all her acts.

How could she be so dense? 

The way Yuxin always laughed at her no funny jokes.

How could she be so oblivious?

The way Yuxin's eyes were always sad when she saw her and Xueer.

Xueer.

Keran remembered.

Maybe Yuxin didn’t want to ruin her relationship with Xueer, so that’s why she never confessed.

But, to Keran, Xueer was just a girl that she had to date because her parents forced her to do so. They wanted to make a work relationship with them.

And, to Keran, Yuxin was…

“To me, what’s Yuxin?”

She thought about it again.

Yuxin laughter when she joked, Yuxin smiled when she ruffled her hair, Yuxin snorted when she just did something dumb, Yuxin pouted when she teased her, Yuxin warmth when she hugghed her, all of Yuxin…

A tear dropped from the corner of Keran's eyes.

“Am I not gonna see them again? Am I not gonna hear her laugh again? Am I not gonna feel that warm again?”

Keran felt so empty.

She felt so lost.

“Why am I crying so much? What is this feeling?”

Keran cried out, she tried to restrain it by covering her face with pillows.

Ahh…

When she thought about it, Yuxin also made her beat faster than usual. Yuxin's cute act also made her blush. Yuxin care also made her flutter. Yuxin stare also made her stomach feel ticklish like there’s butterflies in it.

“Am I… in love? With Yuxin? All of this time? Without knowing it?”

Keran laughed, a sour and bitter laugh.

“How can you be this dumb, Lu Keran? I can’t believe it” She snorted.

“You can have her all this time if you realize your own feelings, dumbass” 

She thought of her life if there weren’t Yuxin on it. And somehow it felt weird and she didn’t want to think of it further.

But, Yuxin had lost her memories about Keran and her loves too.

And turned out it was her who had a one-sided love now.

Keran coughed up.

She covered her mouth. After she finished, she felt something wet on her palm. She opened it, shocked, a blue heliotrope covered with blood.

“Fucked up”

“Everything is so fucked up”

Keran dived in her mind, and decided.

“I’ll confess”  
“I’ll confess my feelings once, try to make her remember, and if it failed, and if it failed…”

“I’ll give up, I’ll take the surgery”

She decided.

“But first, I need to talk with Xueer, then ask for help from the dance club to use the room for all day, just me and Yuxin. I have a plan to bring back your memories”

Keran grinned.

“I lost you once, and I’ll try my best to get the second chance, Liu Yuxin, just you wait!”

“When she’ll discharged, hmmm”  
Keran ended up that night searching about hanahaki disease and Yuxin favorite flower.

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One week two days passed. At the school park there were two girls standing there.

“Xueer, I’m sorry!” Keran bowed at her and received a heavy sad sigh.

“I know this will come sooner or later” She said.

Keran straightened her back, waiting Xueer to continue.

“I already know you love Yuxin, because the way you look at her is different. The look that I’ve been craving since we’re child”

“I’m so-”

“Okay, go with her” Xueer cutted.

“Yes?”

Keran blinked several times.

“I’ll tell my parents even though we won't get married, we will still establish a diplomatic relationship. So yeah, you’re free, win that girl heart, once again” 

The dance club already knew the real reason for Yuxin's condition. And they supported Keran with her decision.

“Thank you, Xueer!” Keran bowed again.  
“You’re so cool. I thought this will be hard”

“Who do you think I am? Search for your replacement is easy~” Xueer grinned.

“Awww, you broke my heart” Keran faked whining.  
“Anyway thank you! Today she is already in school, I want to do it soon, Goodbye Xueer! I hope you find a good replacement of me!” Keran ran,leaving Xueer behind.

“Dumbass” Xueer muttered.  
“You broke my heart too, idiot! It’ll be hard to find another girl” Xueer squatted and cried on her knees.

“KERAN IDIOT” She shouted.

｡･ﾟﾟ･･ﾟﾟ･｡｡･ﾟﾟ･･ﾟﾟ･｡｡･ﾟﾟ･･ﾟﾟ･｡

Keran felt goosebump.

“What just happened?” 

She kept running and arrived at the front of the dance club room. She inhaled and exhaled, then opened the door and was welcomed by Yuxin who did some dance movements.

“Ah, Xue-jie!”

Keran smiled, she missed hearing Yuxin called her Keke.

“It’s been a long time since I saw you! Yu Yan told me that you’re my senior at the dance club too. But I’m sorry, I think I just can’t remember you. I don’t know why, I just had a respiration failure, but I didn’t know why it affect my memory”

“It’s okay. But if I told you, you hadn't had a respiration failure, will you believe me?”

Yuxin put her chin between her fingers, thinking and remembering.

“Hmmm… Yu Yan also told me about that, she said you will bring this up”  
“If you can tell me the rational or at least reasonable answer, maybe I will!” Yuxin smiled.

“Okay okay, you’re still cute no matter what happened to you,huh? And, you also forget me in our first meeting at highschool. So it’s not a big deal”

 _‘Damn, absolutely it’s a big deal!’_ Keran shouted in her mind.

“Thank you and sorry, you’re so kind!”

“It’s fine,” Keran chuckled.  
“And Yuxin?”

“Yes?”

“Yuxin, can I ask you something?”

“Go ahead!”

“Can I call you xinxin today? And you must call me Keke”

“Eh?! Keke?!” Yuxin was shocked and waved her hand in the air.  
“No, no no! It’s rude to call Xue-jie like that!”

“It’s fine. I’m the one who asked so it’s not rude. Please?

“Hmmm…”  
“Is this what they called a pet name”

“Hahaha you can think about it like that”

“But why does ‘Keke’ sound so familiar in my ears and lips?” Yuxin wondered.

Keran eyes widened.  
_‘So there’s still a chance’_

“We will find about it now”

“Uhm, how?”

“You know, after we performed Sphinx and Not Me, we, I mean us, did a performance too”

“Seriously?!”

Keran giggled with the reaction.

And Yuxin felt so familiar with her giggle, she didn’t know why, she could just feel it.

“I hope you will remember me after this” Keran ruffled Yuxin hair and went to the speaker.

Once again, the warmth from Keran’s palm was so familiar, and she craved for it more.

Keran plugged the cable.

And Thinking Out Loud by Ed Sheeran played.

“We’re dancers and we practice this like a monster. So even if your brain forget this, I hope your dance muscles don’t”

**When your legs don't work like they used to before  
And I can't sweep you off of your feet**

Keran went near Yuxin.

**Will your mouth still remember the taste of my love  
Will your eyes still smile from your cheeks **

Keran pulled Yuxin so their face was just inches away. Yuxin yelped with the sudden movement but she adjusted herself quickly, and Keran smiled at her.

**And darling I will be loving you 'til we're 70**

Keran spinned Yuxin like that night and catched her with eyes locked on each other.

**And baby my heart could still fall as hard at 23  
And I'm thinking 'bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways  
Maybe just the touch of a hand **

Keran brought Yuxin to swing. And Yuxin didn’t know why, she just twriled herself and leaned her back at Keran. All these movements felt too familiar. Keran's eyes widened when she saw Yuxin twirling by herself, she had confidence now.

“Keke, why are you beating so fast?”

 _‘Shit’_ Keran cursed.  
_‘Even though I can hear her call me this close, she still feel so far away from me’_

**Oh me I fall in love with you every single day**

Their hands danced together beautifully and intertwined their fingers.

“You wanted to know?

**And I just wanna tell you I am**

Keran lifted Yuxin's legs.

“If you want to tell me”

They spinned together.

**So honey now**

They locked their eyes and Keran opened her mouth.

“It’s because of you”

They stopped.

**Take me into your loving arms**

“Me?”

“Yes”  
“And will always because of you”

Keran caressed Yuxin’s cheeks.

**Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars**

Keran reached her other hand to Yuxin's hand and led it to her chest.

**Place your head on my beating heart**

“Can you feel it?”  
“It’s beating for you”

**I'm thinking out loud**

“But, why me? Did I scare you?” Yuxin confused.

**Maybe we found love right where we are**

Keran laughed.

“Yuxin why are you so funny”

**When my hair's all but gone and my memory fades**

Keran kept laughing until she coughed up, and then a stained blue heliotrope came out.

_‘Shit’_

**And the crowds don't remember my name**

“YOU HAVE A HANAHAKI?!”

**When my hands don't play the strings the same way, mm**

“You know about hanahaki?” Keran asked.

**I know you will still love me the same**

“Yeah, I read about a rare disease at the hospital library and searched for it” Yuxin panicked.  
“Why don’t you try confessing to the person first? Maybe you’re just assuming”

**'Cause honey your soul can never grow old, it's evergreen**

“I don’t know about that”

“Why?”

“Because she forgets me”

**Baby your smile's forever in my mind and memory**

“I’m such a fool for not realizing it and let her suffer”

**I'm thinking 'bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways**

“If I realize my feelings for her soon, she won’t get the surgery and won’t forget me”

**Maybe it's all part of a plan**

Yuxin was shocked. Her brain works so fast.

**I'll just keep on making the same mistakes  
Hoping that you'll understand**

“Is it me?” Yuxin concluded.  
“Is it my fault that you have a hanahaki?”

**But baby now**

“No!” Keran shouted.

“Then why? Why am I forgetting you? Do you mean I had a hanahaki too before? But you love me so why did I take the surgery? Why did I ca-”

**Take me into your loving arms**

Keran pulled Yuxin into her warm embrace.

“It’s not your fault, it’s me”

**Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars**

“If I realized my feelings sooner, you wouldn’t have a hanahaki, you wouldn't lost your memories and absolutely I wouldn't have a hanahaki too. It’s my fault”

**Place your head on my beating heart  
I'm thinking out loud  
That maybe we found love right where we are, oh**

Yuxin cried so loud at Keran warmth. Maybe her brain didn’t remember it, but her body remembered this warmth that she missed so much.

Keran stood up and went to her bag, pulling out the orange daisy and blue heliotrope from that night when Yuxin passed out.

“Xinxin” Keran went near Yuxin again.

Keran inhaled, exhaled, strengthened her heart and tried to gain confidence for her next words.

“I love you, Liu Yuxin” Keran said with seriousness on her face.

**So baby now**

Yuxin cried even more and Keran handed the flowers.

“These are the flowers you produced for me. Your favorite and my favorite”  
“And it’s beautiful, just like you”

**Take me into your loving arms**

Yuxin received the flowers and she brought her face to Keran.

**Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars**

She crashed her lips onto Keran. Felt the saltiness from her tears and the sweetness from Keran lips mixing.

**Oh darling, place your head on my beating heart**

When they shared the awkward kiss, Keran's chest felt so light that it felt a weight already lifted up from it, she was shocked and pulled from the kiss.

**I'm thinking out loud**

“Are you…”

**That maybe we found love right where we are**

Yuxin shook her head.

“No, I don’t remember”

“Then why?”

**Oh baby, we found love right where we are (maybe)**

“I think I just fell in love with you again!” Yuxin smiled.

**And we found love right where we are**

“I love you too, Keke!”  
“I love you, Lu Keran!” Yuxin smiled widely with her teeth showing

Keran bursted into a pool of tears. Maybe her plan to bring Yuxin memories didn’t work, but hearing Yuxin said she loved her already was enough.

She cried a lot and Yuxin just giggled while caressing Keran’s head that rested on her shoulder. 

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** BONUS **

They spent their day at the dance practice room, Keran told Yuxin about their memories. Even though Yuxin didn’t remember it, she knew and believed all of it really happened.

“Yuxin, do you know? My favorite flower means true love, while you means eternal love”

“Really? I didn’t search for something like that. I just like it because it's simple but still pretty”

“Hmm” Keran hummed in response.  
“That meaning made me still want to try to make you remember me and love me again. Because I believe you still love me and will always do like the meaning of the flowers. You love for me is eternal” 

“Cocckkyyy~” Yuxin said playfully.

“But I’m right, am I? And you love this cocky person”

Yuxin just punched Keran slightly and received a small laugh from Keran. Yuxin smelled the flowers before resting her head on Keran's shoulder and Keran rested her head on top of Yuxin’s head.

With that, they enjoyed their day until the sun set.

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiyaaa! 
> 
> That's it. I down't want to make a sad ending for this so here it is hahaha. Hope you like it~
> 
> Thank you so much for reading it till the end.


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